cry.sis.

for the past few days i have been dealing with something...or, trying to deal with something. i have no idea what to do or say or how to feel. my emotions are scattered, therefore my actions may seem unpredictable. and, sadly, i don't know when this phase will subside. i can't watch certain things on tv anymore. i feel weird about feeling ok. so i go back into sulking only to feel weird about not being ok. "they" always teach you how to (attempt to) deal with trauma in your life, but they never really say anything about dealing with trauma in the life of someone you love very much. (if that's even something you can teach.) so here i am, hurt and confused. and it wasn't even me. maybe i wish it was. heavy. i haven't spoken to my friends about it. i suppose i don't know how. maybe i do know how, but i'm afraid of their reactions, or lack thereof. besides, they haven't asked me why i've been so quiet or distant. so why bother anyway. i wonder when i'll feel normal again. maybe not until she feels normal. not that you can ever feel "normal" after something like this. but perhaps you can. i'm sure it just takes time. and alot of tears.

hope for peace