intro
...sometimes transistion can be kinda rough. wait! transistion can be killer yo! and in the midst of transistion all you can do is prepare for the worst, pray for the best, and hope you make it through to see....something. transistion periods can break or make a person. one can totally lose or begin to find themself. the idea of it is, i feel, unappealing. but the experience of it can be enriching, encouraging, and enlightening...especially if you have goals and can see the light at the end of the proverbial tunnel.
what fascinates me most about my current transistion is how many different aspects of my life it has affected. from love to spirituality, to sexuality, to hair--ality (lol). this "in-between" time has allowed me to begin* to shape my views on life's ways and wonders.
*i use the term begin because, hey, i'm only 23 years old, and i'm sure i will continue to grow, learn, and change with age (tho maybe not drastically).
pt 1: "i am not my hair, it for dammm sure is me tho..."
in the past few years, i've had at least a zillion hair styles. like, forreal... if you know me well, it is not a shock for me to have a totally different hairstyle EVERYTIME you see me! it was an ongoing joke during my undergrad years, but i lived for the element of change. i've been relaxed, NOW ALL NATURAL (YESSSSS!), blonde, black, curly, straight, rinsed red, blue, purple, long, bobbed, short, super short, fro'd :-), twisted, micro'd, sewed in, wigged out, braided back, and almost anything else you can think of.
my hair often reflects my mood. if i have a hat on, i'm tired as hell, or don't give a fuck. if its all done up, i'm feeling good, tryin to be cute (lol), or whatev. but all in all, i changed my hair like i changed my underwear--maybe more! but lately i've rolled with the same few hairstyles as i begin to settle down. see...now that i think about it, i could probably equate my hair with my mental stability. (craaaaazy right?). i mean, i like art, and hair styling is an artistic expression of emotion for me. however, my constant 'do changes were a outward show of an inward soul search. #keepinitreal the ability to look different, seem different, or even be a different person was appealing to me. not because i didn't love myself, but because i was trying to decide which self to love. NO. i am not bi-polar or schitzo (no dis to anyone that may be) but i had begun to realize that i didn't like the person i was and had to figure out how to be a person i could like, love, and live with. i've made gigantice steps in that journey! (fist pump to progression).
i think my decision to go natural (exactly 2 years ago :-D) was my first physical example of finding ME. recently, i've decided to lock my hair. (wowzers!) i haven't done it yet, and i must admit, i am preparing myself for this drastic, permanent decision. but i'm not afraid and quite at peace about the decision. NO. this does not mean i now know everything i am and have figured out all i need to know about my life and this world. HELL NO. but i am ready for a sense of stability. (tho, please believe i'll be styling my locs) but i'm ready to jump into this thing i cannot jim out of with my secret roll dog, my silent ace, my inanimate yet expressive partner in crime...my hair
whoop whoop! Good post sis. I felt the same when i loc'd up, but I cant say I was able to articulate exactly what was going on, which I think puts you ahead of the game. There's something about being able to match your internal with your external...
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